I hear stories about women who will buy fancy clothes, and then wear them out to events with the tags still on so they can return them later.
Sort of like renting, but for free.
Many people think this is like stealing, that it is despicable behaviour done only by the lowest of the low. Or the financially challenged.
Personally, I don't have a big problem with this. What difference does it make if you test-run the clothes for ten seconds in a change room or ten hours at a soiree? I don't buy clothes with weird smells, stains or damage anyway, so if some stinky broad slipped it on and off or rocked it all night it won't matter, I'm not buying it.
Maybe stores that are against this "sampling" of their wares should start a "sniff and search" policy for returns. Employees will have to smell the crotches and armpits of all garments and inspect the insides for tell-tale deodorant and sweat stains. I'm fairly certain that won't cause a decrease in business- waiting in line while the clerk smells the clothes- and it will likely reduce the number of people who are willing to go through that to return used articles.
I think that there are some more acceptable venues for trying before you buy- or more specifically, trying before you pretend to buy.
There are some things that I have no intention of buying but I occasionally need.
For example, a truck.
I don't want a truck.
Bob wants a truck. Apparently, some massive Toyota truck of some kind is his "dream" vehicle.
An aside. I think it's funny when people refer to their "dream" anything. When I dream, I dream of effed up crap that makes no sense. My dream car is probably made of marshmallows and runs on owl pellets. It is florescent orange and can hold an entire floor of an apartment building while flying to Africa.
It might look something like this.
But sometimes, I really NEED a truck. I have to move a fridge. I have to take stuff to the dump. I want to run over my obnoxious neighbour. I have a NEED for the truck that I don't own.
There is an assumption that one will test-drive a vehicle before they purchase.
I figure- the next time I have to go on a dump run or commit vehicular homicide, I will go on a test drive. I can even bring Bob along to really "live his dream".
This is more practical than it is funny. It's sort of a funny premise, pretending you're interested in the car, going through all the blather that happens when you talk to a salesperson, and then using the car to run errands.
There are funnier opportunities.
Haircuts. "On second thought, this isn't what I want. Goodbye" (said while gathering all the hair off the floor)
Apples. (munch munch) "Nope, no good."
Pet fish. "All these do are swim. I expected much more."
This makes me think of another thing that some people do. "Freecyclers", I believe they care called. They don't believe in purchasing anything. They aren't without their consumer needs, though, so they just don't really want to pay for the stuff they need. Instead, they get stuff for free somehow- scavenging, donations, thievery- and then they trade with people to get the stuff they need.
I hear some of these people will even do this with food. There is a lot of perfectly good food thrown away by grocery stores and restaurants each day, just waiting in dumpsters for someone to come along and eat it. I guess it's probably not perfectly good. I guess it's probably covered in garbage juice. But what's a little juice??? Flavoring! Free flavoring, at that.
I bet freecyclers do a lot of try before you buy scheming. Anytime they need a car, or a dress, or a shower.
I've got it all figured out though, if I ever hit rock bottom and need to meet my basic needs without any money to do so. I don't know if it's a good idea to give out all my secrets, because all you other poverty-stricken jerks will be crowding me in all my sweet hangouts, but here it is anyway.
I'm going to live in the University. I can gain more education and will have access to showers, toilets and benches to sleep on. I won't need a disguise or a cover story- no one will wonder about some raggedy-ass girl wandering around the halls at all hours. There are at least two buildings that are open 24 hours. I would probably volunteer for safewalk to further legitimize my presence.
I'm going to eat out of grocery store dumpsters. I think I'll avoid restaurant ones, even though the food thrown out might be tempting. The advantage of grocery stores is that they might be throwing out packages and whole foods, instead of prepared stuff mixed with food waste and crap from the washroom garbages. That might literally be crap- think of baby change rooms, yech. I need to maintain a certain standard of cleanliness if I'm going to survive on zero income.
I'm going to visit the Wal-Mart dumpsters for other items. Normally, I wouldn't go near Wal-Mart, unless I had no other alternative or I was certifiably insane, but I know from working there (I am sorry, I am sorry, I will make up for it for the rest of my life with good deeds) that they throw away just about anything they can't deal with. Lost its tags? Garbage. Slightly damaged? Garbage. Can't remember where it goes on the shelf? Garbage. I could get a lot of household goods and clothing from there. I remember they once threw away a BIKE. I think because it was missing a bolt.
So yeah, I've got it all figured out. Hopefully if you all come and live at the University with me they don't start to wonder about the high number of sloppy jerks wandering about.
Moral of this story: It's a good idea to smell the crotch of those pants before you buy them. You never know.
