Karay-OK? Funny.

I love karaoke.  I don't know if this is some kind of genetic thing, deeply rooted in Asian culture (karaoke- not just for the Japanese!) or if it's more from my father, who used to sing and whistle along with just about every song he blared on the cassette deck back in the 80s and 90s in my formative years.  In any case, I love it, despite my shortcomings in the talent department.

I knew for sure when I saw a dude wearing this tshirt during my latest performance.

I don't think that karaoke is meant to be done spectacularly.  Every time I go, with the exception of when I've been to the private rooms that you share with only your friends, there is some schmo there who has brought his/her (surprisingly, more often his) own CD and sings along with it perfectly.  It's as if this person expects that one day, in this ramshackle crap bar with its sticky floors, uninspired host, peeling wallpaper and dim lighting, a famous agent from some big label will be listening for the next big thing, and they want to be prepared for that moment.  That glorious, glorious moment.

...practice your Journey solo.  Over and over and over.

You know that they sit around and practice.  One does not go to karaoke with one's own CD and not have it rehearsed.

It's not unpleasant, listening to someone who is good at singing whatever song it is they have practiced every night for the last five years.  It's actually pretty decent.  But it's not karaoke.

If I wanted professional music, I would shell out a little more than nothing and go see a concert.  Nope, I came for the cheap booze, the sloppy atmosphere and the amateur entertainment.

And if I'm lucky, to see my little bro spit tequila on a hooker.

The point of karaoke is not to be an expert.  It's to be an enthusiastic no-talent bum.  Now, I'm not saying that all things karaoke are delightful.  It's downright painful to go and watch someone who doesn't know the words.  This is ludicrous, because they come up on the screen in front of you.  So one can only surmise that the poor person is illiterate, which is too bad.  It's something that is afflicting more and more of the adult population, it would seem...a greater number of people every day seem unable to recognize such symbols as the following:

 

 

 

...which is why I feel that I'm really making a difference being a teacher and telling my students that they better respect the signs, and if they don't, I will hunt them down and make them pay.

"I KNOW you know how to count to 13, boy!  Now get the hell outta line!!!"

The greatest moments I've experienced at karaoke involve someone performing a song with such gusto that the entire crowd is on board.  Bob is pretty much a master of this, because of

Bob's rules of karaoke

1. Bob will not perform a song unless he knows it.  At least, thinks he knows it.  

2. Bob will not perform a song unless he thinks it's hilarious.  Which means, it's hilarious.

3. Bob will not perform a song unless he has a dance to accompany said song.  He's a showman, what can I say.

4. Bob will not perform a song alone, but he damn well won't share that microphone with you once he's up there, either.

When we went on the cruise to Alaska, we were two of about two people under the age of 50 on board.  The activities director was about our age and had put together a bunch of stuff that people might have liked to do, had it not interfered with their pill-taking and napping schedule.  So when we saw on the itinerary that there was a pub crawl followed by karaoke in the dance hall, we were signed up immediately.  Us, and about 3 other cruisers, all of whom sipped their drinks and made comments about how refreshing the beverages were, then passed them down to us...who were happy to polish them off.  Drinks on the cruise were not free.

By the time we arrived at karaoke, we may have lost 2 of our pub crawl mates along the way and we were properly drunk.  Bob chose "Play That Funky Music (White Boy)", the sound cut out halfway, we did it acapella.  It probably wasn't as good as I remember it being, but I remember it being AMAZING.

Probably something like this!!!

That's the sort of thing that's supposed to happen at karaoke, my friends.  You go, you drink, you make merry, you cheer when some half-drunk girl stumbles up there and hollers out a cuss-laden version of "I Will Survive" and you all join in on a make-the-words-up-as-you-go rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody". complete with a hefty helping of this:

So I propose unto thee...as I have done, so many a time while brainstorming ideas for social gatherings...let's go singing.

Moral of this story: Don't feed Tim tequila, unless you have an extra couple hundred bucks for the aftermath.  That shit ain't free!  RUN!!!