Making the best of a sticky situation? Funny.

I lived in Thailand for a year, about 6 years ago.  It was hot and humid and beautiful and this weird, unreal bubble of existence that allowed freedom and liberty that most people don't enjoy.  It was also very, very much like being anywhere else in the world when it came to office politics.
There were the staff members who basically did nothing, simply showing up and dialing in their performance and collecting the paycheque so they could drink it away on some beach.
There were the staff members who basically did everything, being taken advantage of by others who felt it was their right to do so.
There were the staff members who basically were average, working as much as they needed to, vacationing when they could, trying to stay under the radar and not be involved in idiot drama.
You can probably guess which category I belonged to.
These are not "Thailand-specific" archetypes of office behaviour.  These sorts of people exist all over the world, in all offices, even on television.
But there were a few things that I can't really imagine happening anywhere else, at any other time, under any other circumstance than in that air-conditioned, glassed-in 20' by 40' exhibit we called our office.

Many funny things happened there.
Today I'll just tell you about one.

Adam and the Jam

(a tale of delicate balance)

We worked with this guy named Adam.  He was one of the more "colourful" characters at the school.  Of the 20 or so "falangs" (foreigners) who passed through that office while I was there, I'd say at least half were certifiably crazy.  Adam was in the top three.

He was (and probably is still) a big, stupid meathead; he came with his little, stupid gym rat girlfriend who later earned the nickname "Naked Wendy" when she showed up to a work function wearing the same top that Maria Carey wore in her "Butterfly" video.

He used to eat tuna out of a can.  He HATED tuna.  But he figured that to keep up his stunning physique, he needed protein, and I suppose he couldn't locate one of those giant plastic jars of creatine or whatever, so he ate tuna out of the can with this look on his face like it was either swallow or barf with every bite.

He also had jam in the communal fridge.  Everyone had something in there, and, like every work fridge-cum-science experiment-cum-biohazardous waste unit, it was a wasteland of half-used condiments, spills, moldy old sandwiches and empty soda bottles.

An aside- I cleaned out that fridge, and I cleaned the one at my current work twice.  And both times, I have to wonder- what the hell do these people do at HOME?  Disgusting.  Don't be that guy.  Although, I have another in-my-head scenario about the work fridge that is very funny, to me, but demands that you be that guy.  Maybe I'll write about it sometime.

Back to the Adam story.

He had jam.  We lived in Bangkok, where everything is cheap, including jam.  It's less than a buck for a little thing of jam.  There isn't a lot of variety of jam in Thailand, so everyone basically had the same jam.

But Adam kept track of HIS jam.  At least, that's what he would have us believe.

He used to go in the fridge and FREAK OUT that SOMEONE had been eating HIS jam.  Because, you know, the rest of us are really interested in tuna-laced jam from the office hothead.

He'd yell and post signs and basically make an even bigger ass of himself than usual.  We would all sit at our desks and laugh under our breath.

One day, after a particularly animated crazy session from Adam, my colleague Stephanie decided it was time to teach Adam a lesson.  Adam had drawn a line on his jam jar to show how full it was, so that he could PROVE that someone was eating his jam.  While the rest of us silently wished that Adam would spontaneously combust, Steph sprung into action.

Adam had left to go "teach" his class.  Steph took his jam out of the fridge, stuck a straw in it, and sucked all the jam out of the bottom of the jar, leaving a fragile layer of jam suspended at the line Adam had drawn.

(suck suck suck)

"GASP"

"Oh god this jam is so sweet and disgusting"

(suck suck suck)

The rest of us: LOL

Then she carefully put it back in the fridge.

The anticipation almost killed us waiting for Adam to go get his jam fix.

"Good.  You losers learned not to steal my jam.  Still at the fill line."

(sticks knife in)

"WHAT THE HELL"

It was glorious.  And he couldn't figure out how it had been done.  Ah, the wonders of science...they eluded one Adam Whatshisname, gym teacher extraordinaire.

In the end, Adam was fired for being drunk on the job.  And he never unraveled the secret of the floating jam.

Moral of this story:  Being a dickhead at work may get you in a jam.  Or something like that.