Sticking it to the Man? Funny.

I drive every day.  I drive to and from work on weekdays and to various other things on weekends.  I like driving; my car is swell and inexpensive and usually I’m listening to music and often going somewhere I actually want to go.

As a result of all this driving, I learn about the people in front of me when they choose to share information with me via bumper stickers.

Sometimes I learn about their hobbies:

“You can take my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers”

“I <3 Needlecraft”

“Baby on Board”

Sometimes I learn about their religious inclinations:

“Jesus Fish”

“Darwin Fish With Legs”

“Spaghetti Monster”

Sometimes I learn about their political leanings:

“A Collection of Cells is still a Life”

“Make Love Not War”

“Nenshi Rules”

Sometimes I learn a lot about these people.  Now, in this modern age, you can get bumper magnets.  This removes the commitment and allows even the most fickle driver to express themselves to the people behind.  Because, you know, we all want to know about your sexual desires, your number of spawn, your love of certain breeds of horses.

Thus brings me to the funny of the day.  Random posting of hilarious bumper magnets on people’s cars.  Could be people I know, could be strangers.  Depends on what I have on hand.

Before, if I wanted to follow through with this, people might be really put out, as they would have to spend time and maybe money getting a stupid sticker off their car.  I love my car.  If some jerk put a “I Love Alberta Beef” sticker on my car, I’d be pissed.  But a magnet?  No problem.  Gone in a second.  And I’ve already walked away laughing.

It’s also cheap.  I can get magnets for less than a dollar.  They don’t have to be intended for car bumpers, they just (for this purpose) have to be funny.

A related potential for comedy: self-sticking.  I have stickers on my car that I put on because I thought they were cute.  A few of them sort of bother me now, but not to the extent that I’ll actually get rid of them.  But in the application of stickers to one’s own car lies the possibility of humor.

The one I’ve thought has to do with that trend of advertising how reproductively successful you are.  Or how big of a cat lady you are.  You know what I’m talking about- those line-ups of stick-figure stickers on the rear window- a mom, a dad, three kids and a dog, or whatever familial combination they happen to have. 

I want to find those and get at least a dozen.  AT LEAST.  My car seats four, five if I’m being illegal about it.  Then I want to stick them all the way across my rear view.  Maybe in a couple rows.  Just to throw people off.

“Aw look, that woman has…eight, nine…fourteen…SEVENTEEN KIDS AND A RABBIT??”

…and if they ask about my prolific family, I can look puzzled and respond “OH, is THAT what those are for?  I thought they were like on the side of fighter jets, the numbers of enemies downed.”

He he he.

Moral of this story: A magnetic personality is a terrible thing to waste.