A Fish Out of Water? Funny.

I was trying to be clever with the title, but a fish that actually has no water isn't funny, it's sad.  In this episode the fishes will not be without water, and the potential will not be without hilarity.

Bob and I went to the waterslide park in West Ed over spring break.  This is how I stay young: I do the same stuff that kids do.  Except now I also eat vegetables.

Anyway so we were playing around, and it's fun.  A few of the slides are akin to having a really, really persistent and violent enema, which is uncomfortable, so I avoided those (strangely, Bob did not...).  But mostly it's fun.  I even broke one of my rules and went in the wave pool (I was on constant lookout for bandaids and hair.  Working at a pool did NOT increase my love of standing water.).

After, we did other stuff that one does when in the world's largest mall.  We went bowling, we drank, we ate, we shopped.  We visited the T & T market they have there, and looked at all the gross Asian products on offer, including live tilapia.

And we were struck with an amazing thought.

Imagine this:
Smuggle tilapia- live freaking fish the size of dinner plates- into the wave pool.

"Mommy this is soooo fun OMG!"
SLAP
"Mommeeeeeeeeee something hit me in the face!  Wahhhh"
"Nothing hit you relax and keep jumping in the waves!  It's awesome"
SLAP
"Augh what the hell a fish just smacked into my face!"
"Told you so mommy"

HILARIOUS.
The whole thing is funny. 

First, procure fishes. 
 "NUMBA SEVEN!"
"Ah yes that's me, good sir."
"What you want??"
"Indeed, yes, I would like 12 of your finest, most vigorous tilapia."

Second, smuggle fishes.
This could be done in a number of ways, but the funniest (to me) is bringing them in your bathing suit.  Especially as a girl.
"That woman looks...lumpy."
"Stop staring!"

Third, release fishes.
"That lumpy woman is doing some kind of shimmy dance in the waves."
"Look, if you don't stop staring at her, you're going to get kicked in the nuts."

Fourth, enjoy results.
(see previous conversation between mother and child and fish)
"Lifeguard, there are FISH in the pool!"
"Shut up kid."
"Lifeguard, there are FISH in the pool!  And don't tell my son to shut up."
"Maam, there are no fish in the pool.  Don't be ridiculous."

Optional bonus round:
Recruit a companion to come in, dressed in full fishing garb, carrying tackle box.  Cast into waves.  A million points if you manage to catch a fish.


So why, you ask, did we not follow our mantra and enact the comedic follow-through on this one?
Well, it breaks the rules.
1. Live tilapia, even at an Asian market, are expensive.  So is the entry to the wavepool.
2. I'm pretty sure that we'd be arrested.
3. The fish would die.  A horrible, painful, albeit wavy, death.  We were trying to think of what sort of sea creature could endure the cocktail of chemicals that is the West Ed wavepool, and we're pretty sure that only Ogopogo or the Loch Ness monster could do it.  So no dice.  It would be too mean.

But it is damn funny in my head.  I bet it's funny in yours, too, right?

Moral of this story: Kids getting slapped with fish is funny.  There may be potential for some real follow through here...