Bob took up fishing a couple years ago. I followed suit after I realized that watching someone fish is boring, but catching fish is fun. I still haven't really caught the "shopping for fishing stuff" bug, though. So while Bob looks at line and lures and flies and other fishing junk, I peruse the animal product aisle.
I don't know if it's really called the animal product aisle, but if you go to any fishing section of any sporting goods store, you will find an aisle that is entirely populated by dead animal parts.
They're all dried up and packaged nicely and ready for you to purchase and turn into fishing flies, apparently. These are the old ways, the ways that codgers named Bert and Stanley and...well, Bob...use to make little furry yucky looking things that stupid, blind fish like to eat.
I'm not into tying flies yet either, so I don't look at this stuff in order to make a newer, better, uglier and more disgusting fly.
Nope.
I'm into the potential for funny.
And it lies in the purchase of a $3.49 rabbit face.
In the store, they will call it a "rabbit mask".
That in itself is funny. It's only a mask if you are a very small human (read: baby) or if you are an actual rabbit. This makes me think of rabbits at Halloween...
"What are you going as this year?"
"Fred."
"How are you going to dress as Fred?"
"I got his face."
This also makes me think of another entry I must write about masks and a very, very funny (to me) idea that Bob and I have for Halloween. More on that when I write about it.
Back to the rabbit face. I found them while looking in wonder at all the bird wings, the feathers, the tails, the bits and pieces of skin and fur and tendon, and there they were: rabbit faces. In all their dehydrated, eyeless glory.
They come in all colours, which is weird. There are "normal" rabbit faces in browns and greys. There are black ones and white ones and pink ones and blue ones and yellow ones and all the colours of the rainbow- the producers of rabbit faces for fly tying are accepting of all manner of rabbit faces.
There are littler ones and bigger ones. The ones that caught my eye were, as previously mentioned, a mere $3.49.
My rule for cost-effectiveness is immediately satisfied. $3.49 and imagine the multitude of uses!!!
What I would use a Rabbit Face for
(you've been warned)
1. Baby shower gift. "And here's a gift from Heather! Oh what a lovely...what the hell!"
2. Halloween costume. This requires no explanation, but would require a bit of string.
3. Party favor. "Don't leave without a rabbit face!" This is particularly effective at children's parties.
4. Decorating feature. Tack them to the walls for a splash of colour and texture. Hang them from chandeliers to add a flair of the natural. Drape over a lamp for a dramatic shadow play.
5. Horrifying surprise. "Oh my lovely wife packed my lunch. What kind of sandwich today?"
6. Pet stand-in. "Now, honey, we are not sure if you are ready for the responsibility of a pet, so we're going to see how you take care of...this!"
7. Not at all least, and the first thing I thought of: Brilliant Easter gift. "Rabbit faces all around!!!"
There are other weird things to buy in the animal parts aisle...for example, if you are one of those fancy brides who wants feathers in their decor for some reason, you can buy peacock feathers there. Or, if you are looking to have a more rustic feel to your celebration, you can just go ahead and buy half a flattened pheasant. I'm not kidding. The whole works, flattened like those new chickens they have at the grocery store that are meant to go on the grill- only this pheasant's grillable goodness is long gone and all you're going to get is the outer parts.
Or, if you want to brag about how much tail you got over the weekend, why not help yourself to a wide selection of animal tails? Fox, deer, weasel, mouse, dolphin...there isn't an animal whose rear is safe from the harvest.
So, good people, if I ever get my act and $20 together, you may find yourself the first lucky recipient of the Rabbit Face Basket O' Goodies. Who's having a baby next???
Moral of this story: Rabbits would like their faces back.
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